November 29, 2011

becoming myself

I must accept there are some relationship "traps" I've been utterly seduced by...

This thought is a red flag:  "Since he's so popular, now I -- by extension -- will have all the social support and resources I will ever need."

This is also not a good sign:  "Thank god he has so much energy -- I'll finally have a clean kitchen, warm meals, and clean clothes!"

But, who could blame me for thinking I might steal some flame from a partner so garrulous, charismatic, agreeable, upbeat, and indefatigable as the two schlaviners I've loved (and been subsequently crushed by)?

I have my own fire, even if it's often decidedly parked under a bushel.  These kinds of things are not transferable -- under any conditions.  I have to play the hand I was dealt and no other.  As DFW said, "although of course you end up becoming yourself."

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