first trimester zombie

Although grateful I'm on this side of TTC, I am trudging through the sickness that started at 6 weeks (4 weeks gestation) and makes me a zombie, alternating between eating and feeling yucky.

At least I don't have the vomiting, although that symptom comes with a decreased miscarriage rate.  You can't win with this stuff!  I'm at 7.5 weeks now, and my sister (in 2nd pregnancy) says the sickness doesn't get worse and does end with the 1st trimester.  So, I presumably have 4.5 more weeks of zombie-land here.

Having suffered from depression for many years, it is really hard to distinguish those symptoms from these, since they both result in isolation and inactivity (at least for me).  The physical symptoms of pregnancy are unmistakably novel though!  If I didn't know the cause, I would think I were dying or something.

My cats and best friend continue to be my local support, and both my mom and sister are a fantastic support from afar.  I'm especially heartened and touched that my sister has extra energy to be excited and concerned for me, when she's in the middle of her own pregnancy.  She's been able to share her experiences and prepare me for what's next.  Big, big love in my heart for her <3

I am basically in mere survival mode here, walking through the motions of work, meetings, meals, and bare minimal chores.  I can't sleep-away the unpleasantness as in years past, not sure if that's hormones or lack of anti-depressant meds.  So, I'm conscious for every hour of this, trying to get used to it and not panic.

I have an u/s with the RE this week (8 wks), and I plan to ask which side the implantation is in case that predicts gender (Ramzi's method).  I have an OB appointment for 12 weeks, but I am not sure I will like this new OB or the hassle of the university location (crowds and paid parking at a distance from clinic).

My dilemma is that I want high-tech prenatal care (screens and diagnostic tests as advised), but I want a low-tech birth (at home if possible).  I'm not sure how the modern medicalized-birth-philosopy and insurance-juggernaut will be able to accommodate these preferences.

More and more, also, I am trying to take some moments to connect with the embryo (not yet a fetus, still has a tail!) and revel in the joy of my future family.