January 8, 2012

cycling with the moon

I am always pleased when I cycle with the moon, but this month it is especially gratifying.  I plan my first insemination for the full moon, which is technically at 2:30 am EST tonight!

After a rocky tank pickup, the stress of my car accident, and the mixed emotions of watching my dear friend get married yesterday, I am trying to create a peaceful, positive space for this first TTC attempt.

I slept way in, missing my morning OPK test, but waking up finally feeling normal and refreshed to experience my first digital smiley face this pm!  I haven't been charting, testing for months like some do before attempt #1.  In fact, I bought the digital tester only last week, but did have the cheapo strips since Christmas.

So, the lady at the the local lab, where I'm storing my 6 vials, gave me such a hard time!  I wasn't expecting it since the 2 other people I had talked to on the phone were refreshingly nice.  I was a little bummed by a surprise (hidden, to my mind) fee of $95 for withdrawal [aside vent -- why is it so hard to get people to tell you their fees?  ...or their names for that matter?!], but remained calm.  Said lady was impatient and made me feel like a bother for asking how the tank and carrier work, and told me it was irrelevant when I asked for the paperwork that was sent with my shipment.

Nearly in tears, I walked next door to the conveniently located RE office, hoping to find some emotional support.  After the front desk lady was able to discern my request through my distressed babble, my dear nurse "K" met me and listened to my distress.  I said "I know it's nobody's job to be nice to me, but..."  K was so nice (she's definitely in the right job!) and gave me a hug, saying I wasn't the only one to have problems with the lady next door.  As I soaking in the love, the director of the lab next door came around the corner saying, "I heard everything you said, and I am so sorry.  That is not how we do business, and [lady]'s manger will be made aware of this."  Etc, etc.  It was an *amazing* experience!

Not long ago, I would have just driven away in tears and anger, wondering what I did wrong.  But, by simply standing up for myself and seeking some comfort, I was rewarded immensely.  In fact, tears did come to my eyes when the lab director said, "we know this is hard to begin with."  I agreed, "this is hard enough."  And as my fellow SMCers know, it sure is!

Thank you, thank you to the kindness of the human spirit.  That, and talking to my mom, sister and friends since then, have put me in a much better space to embark on this journey to choice motherhood.

1 comment:

  1. Good luck tonight (well, actually early morning I suppose)!!! Sending some baby dust your direction!